The Lancer Way: Ashley McBay
3/22/2021
The Lancer Way is a platform provided by California Baptist University's Athletic Department that allows student-athletes to share their stories. All of the words are their own.
Written By: Ashley McBay, Softball, Sr., Modesto, CA
I was a major contributor to the injuries that plagued the 2019 CBU softball team. A kneecap fracture in January of my sophomore season was followed in March by the second shoulder dislocation of my collegiate career, effectively removing me from the rest of the season due to labrum and rotator cuff tears.
At the time, softball was my entire identity and the source of most of my self-worth.
Softball is a game of failure, and when you think this way, the small failures and shortcomings on the field that are just part of the game aren’t taken for what they are but have a much deeper, negative mental impact. I hadn’t had the college career I’d imagined for myself and was doubting my abilities. I thought God was making it clear He had other plans for me and wanted me off the softball field.
This decision felt a little easier because at the time, a big chunk of my friend group was graduating since I was the only recruit that was brought in during my freshman year. I told myself I was going to choose the well-being of my body and focus on school and the MCAT instead of softball. I was scheduled to take the MCAT in April of 2020 and to graduate that following December, anticipating medical school acceptance the next school year.
Transitioning from softball player to student was more difficult than I anticipated. It felt like something was just missing and I didn’t really know what to do with my time, so I had to really invest in myself and in establishing my identity as a daughter of Christ instead of as a softball player.
My family, especially my mom, was so supportive of me. I never allowed myself to even think about softball until the first day of my junior year, the night I met my boyfriend. Without knowing anything about me, he looked me dead in the face and told me I’d be back on the field again and in fact, I should be playing right now.
Those were shocking words to hear, especially coming from a total stranger, and for the first time in six months I allowed myself to really feel how much I missed the game. Throughout the course of our friendship and eventual relationship, he pushed me to get back on the field by telling me the things I didn’t want to hear – that I was selling myself and my program short by using injuries as an excuse not to play a difficult game at a high level.
Fast forward to spring 2020, and I’m watching CBU Softball thrive and take down Power 5 programs, like Ole Miss and Michigan State. For the first spring since I was 6-years old, I wasn’t on the field and it was breaking my heart. I was very emotional and regretted my decision so much. I turned to the Lord, praying for guidance and wisdom in the situation. I didn’t understand why I’d be feeling this heartache if He intended my time on the field to truly be over.
??????
— California Baptist Softball (@CBUSoftball) February 11, 2021
Ashley McBay, so glad you're back! In her first game since returning from injuries, Ashley McBay laces a triple to the opposite field and scores the go ahead run in extra innings! Lancers add a second before the end of the inning, & lead 2-0 in the ??8???#LanceUp?? pic.twitter.com/ABoe354Tg8
In the same crazy week as all of these back-and-forth thoughts, COVID-19 ended the 2020 school year. My MCAT was cancelled, pushing back the window I could apply for medical school to the following year because I had waited to take it. I had a lot of time to think about what I wanted during quarantine and an incredibly supportive family who encourages me and sets me up for success in every way imaginable. Godly counsel from my parents encouraged me to finish what I started and leave the game on my own terms.
When I reached out to my coaching staff, I was nervous and didn’t have high hopes for the conversation; however, they answered me with enthusiasm I didn’t expect as they offered me my spot back immediately. Even though I hadn’t played in over a year, suffered from major injuries, and wasn’t their strongest player mentally, they believed in me.
The love and support I received from Head Coach Bill Baber and the staff made me come into this year with the desire to play for something bigger than myself. I couldn’t be more proud to compete for CBU, grow as an athlete and a person under my three incredible coaches, and to have the privilege to be at our beautiful field every single day. This has been our team’s best fall in my time here and I’m looking forward to the mark CBU Softball is going to make this spring. Time away from the game has made me cherish it in a different way than I could have and I have nothing but gratitude to get to wear CBU across my chest.
